Carl Atteniese

In popular (read, ‘unconscious’ culture), a man is perceived as having no confidence if he petitions a woman’s good will–with multiple attempts–contacting her to implore her understanding of what has transpired between them. Or, er, that is what is implied. For when a man does that and gets undesired results, “confident” people say, ‘you look weak; you should ignore her’. No knowledge of the past and how this “worked” before matters, apparently. No inquiry is made into the details. Only this primitive, Darwinian-like analysis on the most basic level of input-output is pronounced, and the suggestion is, ‘women are mere animals; ‘all the same’, and thus: ‘we must treat them in this particular way to get what we want.

Of course–this is about the beginning of the dating game nonsense– to gain or ascertain a person’s interest–playing on the sense of mystery is the preferred method of choice in Korea–to answer the questions, ‘does he like me enough?’/’Is he is calling/texting/writing me’ just because he thinks I am easy?’. And to this end, of course the ‘Hello!’/’Oh, hello, how are you?’, and then the requisite ‘no response to the second ‘hello’ method is popular, among women; You know…it goes like this:

Guy: Hi there (^.^)!

Girl (three days later): Hi ^^!

Guy (a minute later): How are you?

Girl (leaves chatroom to return a week later): Hi! Let’s meet in June, are you okay?

If you’re like me, you don’t care for these infantile and primitive dating rituals that you never had to deal with in your life, and you ignore this and only say ‘hello’ again a few days later; not as strategy; you couldn’t give a damn fora person or situation engendering games. You grew up when there were no cell-phones smaller than a shampoo bottle and you had to be rich to own one. There were no pagers, and you waited half your adult life to get an answering machine, which until the mid nineties, you had to return home to check. So you cannot understand all this wasted time. Also, if you’re like me, you understand the games–but appreciate confident people who have no use for them, and are not afraid to gently persue an issue that is important, because it related in a time-sensitve way to your and the other person’s heart.

But games in dating are supposed to be all about starting out, right? You shouldn’t have to deal with this detritus with one you have expressed undying love for, dedication, and even a pledge to support her family; whom you took to the hospital multiple times, bought expensive gifts for, gave money to when she was out of work, traveled with, shared secrets, dreams, romance with, right; one who noticed intimate anomalies about your health–that your doctors never w!

So, why is it like this? Because you are in Korea; the place that is beguilingly accommodating and congenial, yet insanity-inspiring and knuckle-whitening-in its ability to always be frustrating–always at the same damn time.

It was different when I first arrived in Korea, years ago. Women pursued you and after they got your interest, they held on. The younger generation is all about these games. Why Men Love Bitches became popular with idots in the West, and of course in Korea–a country wherein men have held insane amounts of power for thousands of years, women have caught on to how to manipulate their near-animalistic desire for sex–in a culture that facilitates affairs in every way–probably more than any other on the planet in human history. Korean women have adopted a cold, calculated, and mean MO that would make western women pale in horror. The funny thing is, they hardly know it, themselves. And of course a version of the afore-mentioned book exists here, too.

Ah, ignore it!