Written April 13, 2022
People seem to have no control over their feelings – generally. People, for the most part, say they are hostage to their feelings, but can control how they react to those feelings.
And the more experience-oriented feelings–the intrinsic ones, for example, seem to be in control of us: feelings of anger, fear, apprehension, excitement… love – at least at first.
We can change our states of mind to reduce the amount of time in which we feel bad, for instance–but more about that later.
We certainly have little control over our feelings of taste, inclination, favorite things–but we feel we have control over where we go, whom we spend time with, what to read, watch or listen to. Some philosophers and scientists say this is largely, if not entirely inner-driven, too.
This inner force, in us–our personality, seems to have more control over what we do than anything else–unless the overall conditions have changed. And maybe we can have some will over those.
Do we really have free will? I don’t think so–not in total, or maybe not much at all (the science doesn’t prove it; in fact, it proves the opposite)–but there are moments, perhaps–in which more than our inclination can come to bear–and we experience those non-impulsive or overly confident frames of mind wherein we may feel we are between steps, ‘on the fence’, ‘in the waiting room’ – or at thresholds. I have spent seeming eternities in such ‘places’–often remarking that my life seems like it is taking place between stepping stones, or at a bus stop. I have spent ages waiting for people who perhaps never were really fully there with me–or so it seems now. But if I’m honest, I probably had a lot to do with that. These problems–retrospect and time have taught me, can be remedied by self-esteem driven goal-orientation, listening more and being a fixed entity, less–in other words, adapting, but also put things in a time frame, in which they come to fruition or one moves on… But this is all prelude to what I really want to talk about, because these issues of decision in the moment–or scenario–the things that delay us, are more to do with the small decisions that stem from the big ones….
We can experience an actual big decision-making moment-and not realize we are amidst it. It is at this time that we can decide to change course, go forward, go back, ask for help–or give it (or not)–stay the course (or not)–or sit down and do nothing until we decide–maybe to…not decide? I have spent a lot of time here, too.
When you are content, or at least present and peaceful, you can be very patient; at these times we are staying the course.
Someone very close to me once said “you are the most patient person.” But if we are patient without awareness of what we are waiting for–that is–if a situation is not what we think it is, this is not patience; it is not seeing where we are going. It’s delusion. The only way to avoid this is to know where you want to go, how you want to get there, whom you want to go with and how to judge along the way. Once you have decided these things–then the only thing you need on the journey is proper feedback: all the necessary information to judge your progress. You have to receive this from surroundings–and any fellow travelers with you; are they driving you? Are they pulling you? Are they or pushing you? Or–worse, are they only along for the ride for as long as it benefits them–prepared to jump out at the first opportunity for something better.
Some of the moments with the wrong partners or in the wrong terrain can turn on spontaneity–which can be good if we have been avoiding the wrong steps–and if involving that which we have wanted or been curious about–but others can be a timeless interludes of walking in the dark, into deep water to comfortable to indicate it will soon swallow us–or on paths over a precipice, off which we can go tumbling. This happens when those around us have their best interest–not ours–at heart, and they just want company, approval–or worse, obedience –and for some unresolved reasons we comply
That was a bit of a tangent. What I am really getting at, here, is that in moments–when we aren’t rushed, and we aren’t pressed for a spontaneous decision–and we aren’t frivolous and carefree–when we are either content enough to take our time–or at least be peaceful and thoughtful–we can actually change or make our minds up in a way of orientation:
To repeat:
What I am eventually getting at, here, is that in those moments–when we aren’t rushed, and we aren’t pressed for a spontaneous decision–and we aren’t frivolous and carefree–and we are content enough to take our time–we can actually change or make our minds up in a way of orientation.
We can actually change or make our minds up in a way of orientation.
We can actually change or make our minds up in a way of orientation:
‘Maybe I no longer want to watch horror movies’ – rather than simply this horror movie.’
‘Maybe I no longer want to eat dairy’, rather than decide between the ice cream or the yogurt tonight.’
‘Perhaps I don’t want to spend my life defending potential criminals’ – or …‘what if I can’t paint as much as I need to as a public defender’, and would rather be a bailiff, do social justice art in all the free time I would have not being a lawyer. Or–maybe I would like to be a political cartoonist–or moral philosopher–painting on my holidays.
A friend of mine was contemplating a career in political science-during law school. His classmate asked, ‘but wouldn’t you rather have a Porsche and a beach house? My friend answered–“sure I would; when everyone can have a Porsche and a beach house.” I think right there, my friend realized that the work he would do to acquire the rich life would not allow him to feel proud of that arrangement. He made an orientation change: he put his effort before the spoils. Having an upper class lifestyle and a professional title were not as important to him–he realized–as whom he would be, living with himself.
You see–or maybe you know–it’s about how we frame the questions–and that is about what questions we ask: are they picayune or global? Sometimes they have to be both–indeed both are necessary at different times–but the global questions can delete a whole host of other picayune questions we won’t have to face to if we have the presence of mind to make global decisions. When we think of it this way it seems ridiculous to go to law school and engage in a career all about ethics–one in which the time put in will be enormous and difficult–for material rewards alone. This leaves no space for heartfelt fulfillment–which is a key ingredient in happiness.
Let’s stop here and say that a global decision is one that encompasses a way of life; and a picayune decision is one that falls into a category of life that we have chosen–perhaps by accident, or foolishly.
For another example, if I give up sugar, dieting takes a much more global turn–or almost becomes non-dieting; it’s the same with meat. If we just decide not to eat certain things that make up a lot of the foods that cause our problems, there is little indecision or opportunity for abuse and the wrong decisions down the road. Let’s say we do both; we swear off meat, or at least beef and pork and sugar too. When we are faced with cookies and cake or hot dogs and hamburgers–there is no indecision, no limiting how much of these addictive foods we can enjoy and no binge eating, guilt and dieting to worry about. We have changed the type of person we are–or, the type of food we eat–and replaced our protein sources. This was a global decision.
When it comes to careers, I like to quote Arnold Schwarzenegger; he says
‘instead of asking what you want to be–ask yourself what kind of person you want to be.
This kind of question is global and not picayune: it knocks a lot of options off the table and adds a lot of other ones.
I made a decision–which I sometimes regret–when I was 11: Aside from the problems I had with math, I realized I did not want to kill anyone. (Hold on, here; this will make sense in a moment.) That’s a global decision–about me, as a person and the kind of person I want to be.
That’s a global decision–about me, as a person and the kind of person I want to be.…
making decisions about what kind of person you want to be.
That is where your inner happiness comes from–by the way. Very few people do this. They decide what career they want, with little concern given to what kind of person they want to be.
So–I realized, right there, that even if I were good enough at math–or it didn’t matter–I was not going to become a fighter pilot, which was pretty much the path for men to become the fliers of spacecraft–astronauts.
Though the newly minted Space Shuttle program was in full swing–featuring mission specialist astronauts–not pilot astronauts, and Harrison Schmidt, a professor of geology, had gone to the moon– when I thought of astronauts, I wanted to be the pilot of space vehicles, not a passenger–which is another global decision, when you think about it….
You can see where this is going. We have some kind of free will–within the parameters of our general personalities, or our general decisions–which allow us to make larger decisions when we have the time and presence of mind–that can make the smaller decisions easier in the future. We can do this with–as we have seen–diet, career, relationships (Did you glean that from my suggestions above about my ex?; well, that’s neither here nor there, now, what’s the point?)–and we do this regarding ethics, as well–or we can.
I decided to stop going to church with one of these global decisions. At the time, I had not heard of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s suggestion, that we decide what kind of person we want to be, but that was what I was doing; I realized that though Christianity taught me and love and forgiveness–for me it required that I would have to accept a lot of ideas that simply are not true — scientifically, historically, morally, and to accept those ideas, I would become a dishonest person–and for me, honesty is everything; it is the foundation of all that can be said to be moral, and what is religion supposed to be about if not morality? I thought, if at the core of my personal constitution there has to be a bedrock of ideas that do not make sense to me–indeed, if I could come up with a better foundation for an ethical life, based on things I know and can attest to believe with no compromises (in less than five minutes–as Sam Harris says), well, then, there is no point in being part of a group that not only has to do the opposite, but also betrays a lot of infamy. I didn’t want that in my closet. So I can be Christ-like, where what Jesus said and did was moral and responsible by post-enlightenment standards of ethics, human rights and so on–but going to church regularly would group me in with a lot of dishonest, misguided and misguiding people. Besides, Jesus said not to pray in the temples reciting pre-written prayers; he said to pray in private–from what I know. (I would have to check with Dr. Bart Ehrman to make sure of that–because, I respect good nurtured scholars who tell the truth and are the top experts in their fields.
I more or less do the same thing with regard to diet, dating and perhaps a few other aspects of my life; I make global decisions based on how the little decisions they will uncover will affect me as a person and allow me to be the person I want to be–or not.
So, I “became” a Mindfulness Practitioner, or Zennist. THough some see this as a religion, is is not to me; it is a spiritual practice and philosophy, like the Stoicism I also honor–of Zeno, Epictetus, Socrates, Epicurus, Marcus Aurelius–my distant Roman and Greek ancestors….
I practice Zen and Stoicism, because they work; Zen allows us to clear, examine, learn and focus our minds, and it improves our health, posture, and thinking processes; there is no compulsion to think things are true which are not, and this helps us sharpen our character with honesty and integrity. This is done with vapassana meditation. Additionally, the Four Noble Truths and The Eight Fold Path are a wonderfully wise and sensible path to reducing suffering.
For me–if your world view has been decided for you, you can’t really make decisions on your own, learn things for yourself or be whom you want to be–and that is the surest way to inhibit free will of all the possible ways. And to the chagrin of the religious–that is not so “we can sin and do as we damn please.” It is so can do the opposite and be moral.
Be the person you want to be–and the diet, love, career and philosophy (or religion) will follow as a matter of course–your own course–not someone else’s!
CΔ
Tokyo
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