The Problem with love in human society and relationships is that it is not taught in a universal manner; and that is because it is not defined. As with all important topics, it and its compnents–as well as the definitions necessary for its understanding–must be defined. Aristotle said, “the beginning of wisdom is an egreement on terms.” This is because (and language learners & teachers know this--perhpas better than anyone) —you cannot convey complex ideas without a common language, be it with visual art, sounds, symbols or words. Ever try having a complex discussion… with someone about the differences between science & religion… particularly where that other person is not scientifically literate? If both parties do not agree on what evidence means, the conversation will be near impossible, if not left to vapid pleasantries….
As people often do not understand one another even when speaking the same language, Love’s explanation (or lack thereof) is often relegated to religion, poetry, commercial and literary drama, song, culture, politics & empire, estate & dynasty, business (marriage for non-love reasons) and dysfunctional parentage.
Love is a practice to be learned and mastered, like an art–and an emotional connection that should–first and foremost–depend on shared values, equanimity, physical and intellectual connection and the fostering of the well-being of the partners involved. Marriage or love bonds making these secondary or tertiary concerns make love a transaction and control. Love, by definition and composition is never control…. There is one type of love, expressed differently with and between different people:
‘Love is that condition which makes another person’s happiness necessary to one’s own.’ – Robert Heinlein…
Mature Monogamous Love
is, requires, offers and engenders:
Adult Freedom to Love,
Love of Self as Human,
Love of Humanity,
Forthcoming-ness,
Understanding,
Forgiveness,
Well-being,
Dedication,
Attraction,
Affection,
Freedom,
Honesty and
Trust.
Love is never control but may be exhibited in the inhibition of others to hurt themselves.
Love doesn’t flirt outside the core love relationship, engendering investment in safety relationships, confusion and betrayal.
These things come naturally in true mature love.
“Mature love says ‘I need you, because I love you’; whereas immature love says ‘I love you, because I need you.'”
– Author Unknown
Image and Writing © Copyright 2011 – 2025 Carl Atteniese II / All rights reserved.
Image: Cloudy Prominence, Pyeongchon, Kyeonggi (outside Seoul)
