The Problem with love in human society and relationships is that it is not taught in a universal manner; and that is because it is not defined. As with all important topics, it and its compnents–as well as the definitions necessary for its understanding–must be defined. Aristotle said, “the beginning of wisdom is an egreement on terms.” This is because (and language learners & teachers know this--perhpas better than anyone) —you cannot convey complex ideas without a common language, be it with visual art, sounds, symbols or words. Ever try having a complex discussion… with someone about the differences between science & religion… particularly where that other person is not scientifically literate? If both parties do not agree on what evidence means, the conversation will be near impossible,if not left to vapid pleasantries….
As people often do not understand one another even when speaking the same language, Love’s explanation (or lack thereof) is often relegated to religion, poetry, commercial and literary drama, song, culture, politics & empire, estate & dynasty, business (marriage for non-love reasons) and dysfunctional parentage.
Love is a practice to be learned and mastered, like an art–and an emotional connection that should–first and foremost–depend on shared values, equanimity, physical and intellectual connection and the fostering of the well-being of the partners involved. Marriage or love bonds making these secondary or tertiary concerns make love a transaction and control. Love, by definition and composition is never control…. There is one type of love, expressed differently with and between different people:
‘Love is that condition which makes another person’s happiness necessary to one’s own.’ – Robert Heinlein…
Mature Monogamous Love is, requires, offers and engenders: Adult Freedom to Love, Love of Self as Human, Love of Humanity, Forthcoming-ness, Understanding, Forgiveness, Well-being, Dedication, Attraction, Affection, Freedom,
Honesty and Trust.
Love is never control but may be exhibited in the inhibition of others to hurt themselves.
Love doesn’t flirt outside the core love relationship, engendering investment in safety relationships, confusion and betrayal.
These things come naturally in true mature love.
“Mature love says ‘I need you, because I love you’; whereas immature love says ‘I love you, because I need you.'”
Thank you for reading. I hope this finds you exceedingly well.
I was born in Brooklyn, in the middle of the NASA Gemini space Program era--which was on course for the Apollo program, aiming to land men on the moon. I watched Neil Armstrong make humanity's first step on the lunar surface. The space program left a lasting effect on me and inspired life-long interest and passion in me.
I was born a little more than 2 years after President John Kennedy was assassinated and a few years before Dr. Martin Luther King was assassinated. It was a time of tumult, but better manners, a gentler approach to one another (despite the prejudice being worked on by progressives-) little political correctness, no cancel culture and thicker skin & more opportunity for laughs, a time of fantastic television, austere and fact-based news delivered with brevity and sobriety and much superlatively stylish design. It was the beginning of Star Trek, Star Wars, and a few years on, personal computers, digital watches, hand-held electronic games and movies were still in theaters--not on our TVs--unless they were a little old. People paid more attention to books, from where trust is built with credibility we intrinsically see, competency earned and reflected and facts & expertise. One reason I am not apt to dabble in irrational conspiracy theories is I made many a trek to the local library, to read about stars, planets and astronauts, and to the local bookstore--no longer there--to find my favorite science fiction novels--to either read, or simply marvel at their covers, by Boris Valejo and Frank Frazetta--inspirations that would fuel my later entry into the School of Visual Arts in New York City.
I grew up in Long Island, worked and was educated there until I discovered New York City, then it was on to Boulder Colorado, The Mojave Desert, South Korea and now Japan. I have visited Mongolia, the Philippines, and England and hope to see the rest of the world--and maybe even beyond it.
I teach English as a Second Language, practice secular Buddhism and pay attention to philosophy, astronomy, spaceflight, aviation and human & species rights. I make art, poems and photography--and real friends, wherever I go--when I can.
Maybe our paths will cross; until then, enjoy my writing and pictures, and send me a note. Maybe we can have a cup of coffee someday, somewhere.
Thank you for reading.
I wish you love, peace, joy and enlightenment--sincerely--because you are sentient, and you suffer, too.
Carl Atteniese
Tokyo
View all posts by Carl Atteniese / 亜天二恵世万慈道
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